Forgiving and Forgetting

3/15/2014


There are many ways to apologize. What I’m outlining is not a method to everyone’s madness, it is just a solution I have found for myself.

Apologizer: Apologizing Politely

1. Means of communication:
a. In Person – Best
b. Skype
c. Call
d. Email
e. Text– worst
DONOT go around telling that person’s family and friends
2. Purpose statement:
a. I would like to apologize…
b. For…
i. List what you did or said to harm that person
This is important because the recipient needs to know you are genuinely sincere about your apology.
DO NOT just say “I’m sorry” because sorry, only makes you feel better about what you’ve done, it does nothing for the person you harmed. You’re not showing the recipient empathy.
3.
The Reconstruction Period: ie mending
a. Ask the question: What can I do (we do) fix it?
i. The recipient will most likely suggest a solution – roll with it.
b. Listen= You are going to have to take mental notes if you want to be successful.
c. For some people, it's obvious for others not so much: CHANGE! what ever you did to harm that person don't do it, STOP.

Forgiving: To the Recipient


4. Decision Making: Forgiveness often creates peace and may lead to reconciliation.
a. Listen to what is being stated
b. Decide if you are ready to make amends or move forward
i. Give yourself TIME & SPACE to make that decision
1. DONOT say anything lead by emotions: Mad - yelling or Hurt – crying = REGRETS
c. Let the apologizer know you need TIME to evaluate the situation and you will get back with them in a few days but NO LONGER than 1-2 weeks.
d. You need to analyze your role in a previous situation before you can mend it

Forgetting: To the Recipient & Apologizer


5. The Reconstructive Period 2: this is where you both meet in the middle
a. If you have decided to forgive this person and you are ready to make amends.
b. Apologize and acknowledge your role in the situation. Change.
c. Seek a solution together, work at it, and find a professional/friend who can mediate.

6. Reasons to Forget:
a. No longer allowing someone’s actions to affect your emotions.
b. It frees your mind by no longer allowing another person to occupy space in your head for an unlimited amount of time.
c. Good karma.
d. Respect yourself as a human and others by accepting that we are all capable of errors.
e. *Receiving someone or a group of people back in your life who added value. *



RESULT: Two or More people who are accountable for their actions and willing to reconcile. The recipient must not bring up the mistake because you and the other person keep reliving it. The apologizer is aware of their wrongs and must try to overcome making the mistake again. Each of you should wake up everyday with a fresh start.

I have been working extremely hard on teaching myself these steps and learning how to FORGET because it’s tough. My experiences in my life, have caused me to become separated from a lot of good people who made bad decisions. I don’t want to carry those burdens with me. I don’t want to hurt because they hurt me. Everything happens for a reason and I feel that I’ve learned A LOT and I’m a better person from learning from others' mistakes.
Here are some of my favorite quotes that help me get through these tough times.

Forgiveness is like letting a prisoner free and finding out the prisoner was you,

Forgiveness is the remission of sins. For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again.
Saint Augustine

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger, but faces it head-on.
Alice Duer Miller

He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.
Thomas Fuller

It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited.
Lewis B. Smedes


People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
Bill Cosby

The weak can never forgive.Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mohandas Gandhi



This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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