How to Be A Good Friend


How to Be a Good Friend and Getting New Friends

My first rule of thumb when I'm networking or trying to add a new friend to my circle is simple: You must be a friend to get new friends. No one is the alpha in a friendship and everyone in your network should get along.

I know some of my readers are like duh, but how many of you can say you've had a good friend or been a good friend to more than just one or two people? Exactly, not many of you can say that.

Being a good friend takes a lot of work. It's not like being an associate where you see people only in a certain context or scenario ie school, work, church, etc. You get my point right?

I can't sit here and say I've always been outgoing with a ton of friends. In high school, I had a good group of friends, but I was not popular and never wanted to be associated with those who were. As an adult I started to be more outspoken and friendly through different groups or organizations I was involved in. People always found me interesting because I'd find things we had in common. It is best not to focus on the differences, but take notes on them and learn to be more tolerant.

I lost a lot of best friends when I was younger because I wasn't tolerant of people's differences or I just stopped being a good friend to them by not considering their needs.

Most people look back and ask, who is still friends with their best friend from their childhood and most people aren't and that maybe to due to a lot of things, but most of the time its due to the fact that people change and grow apart. My article: How to Deal With Losing Your Bestfriend should be helpful for anyone looking to gain new friends. My other article: How to Deal with the Death of a Friend details my experience with the death of two of my best friends at a young age and I know how difficult it can be.

Here's a quick list to help you get started:

  • Display characteristics you find to be friendly or things you would want in a friend because "birds of a feather will flock together."

  • Don't gossip about the other person! If you don't want to be talked about behind your back then don't do it to others.

  • Don't be noisy be interested. Meaning, don't be sneaky and try to find out BAD things about a person and tell others. Be interested means looking at the bright side and helping the other person figure things out.

  • Be loyal so that you can be trusted with sensitive topics and situations. I don't allow everyone around my family because for me, that's a sensitive situation.

  • Be Confident because no one wants to be around someone who's always putting others down or someone who is comparing themselves to other people.

  • Be willing to change or improve so that you can help each other grow as individuals.

  • All relationships need vulnerability so if you're always walking around with your guard up or trying to pick a fight no one will want to be friends with you. You should be relaxed and vulnerable not stupid because that's two different things. If someone starts to take advantage of you then start getting a little guarded, but don't come in to the friendship with a chip on your shoulder.

  • Be honest and let your friends know if something bothers you. Now, do this one on one and in private not in front of everyone. Hey, even let it soak for a day or two, but no longer than a week - after that it is void. Try not to argue to be right, but try to communicate and listen to understand.

  • When someone gives you something be thankful, tell the person thank you, give them a card back, make them feel appreciated for their kindness.

  • Be willing to forgive: my article or Forgiving and Forgetting can tell you everything you need to know about asking for forgiveness and also being open to forgiving others.

  • Accept the person for who they are and not what you want them to be or you think they should be when you two are together. I know girls who only hang out with other pretty girls because they want attention from men. Or girls who secretly want to be their best friend and so they are friends of benefit and once those benefits run out the girls are no longer "friends." Stop bailing on good people because they don't make the choices you would like them to. Support the person and not the situation.

  • Show up! Don't make excuses and prioritize your friendship sometimes. Don't be a flake every time they need you and offer help when you know it's needed even if your friend says "No thanks" just offering is sometimes good enough.

  • Keep in touch. Even though I have friends who live all over the world, Amsterdam, Japan, Ethiopia, Las Vegas, Texas, Pheonix, etc. I still find the time to hit up my friends and check up on their progress in life. We swap pictures, we talk via Skype, they send me cards, I show up to birthday bashes, baby showers, graduations, etc. I'm there when they really need someone to talk to. It doesn't matter what time of day it is because I treat my friendships with care. I know who needs a phone call and who prefers a text message.

  • Act Your Wage. Yes, if you're broke hanging out with rich folks, then you should really consider if that friendship is really going to work out. I'm not going to lie, I have a few rich friends and I love them to death but I can't go broke trying to be friends with them so I had to let them know my budget requirements and that I would still appreciate an invite, but if I can't afford it I will not be in attendance and I would hope they do not take it personally.

  • Don't be Jealous or Stingy. You don't own your friends and they should be able to hang out with other people. If anything, that means you get to meet more people and make more friends. I love it when I get introduced to new people because I know that my friends only hang out with cool people who prefer to talk about interesting topics in society and not about other people. We like to learn so we get geeky sometimes.

  • Have a hobby. You need to have something to talk about or do so you can  make more friends. You need to be able to do that thing alone. For example, my friend loves the aquarium and I love it too but not as much as she does so she'll go by herself. I love to eat out, sometimes I just have to go out to a fancy restaurant by myself.

  • Learn to be alone because you will never appreciate other people until you know how to appreciate being with yourself. I have been alone so much that I can call myself out on my bullshit before my friends can. I still need improvement in a lot of areas but my friends work with me and not against me. I can be a alpha female and bossy should have been my middle name so I have to check my ego at their door sometimes.

In Conclusion:

I'm going to be honest about some of my friendships that become associations because the other person choose that situation. Sometimes you have to realize that you can't be friends with everyone and that sometimes you have to be an associate and maybe if you're ever in the same area again you may be friends but remember that friendship is earned! That person must work at it just as hard as you. It is not an overnight title you give to someone you barely know. Needing someone to fill in the boring aspects of your life is not what friendship is for. People are not here for your entertainment or to be used, but to help encourage growth, for you to inspire to do better, teach some lessons, and to help make life beautiful.

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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