WTF He's Married | The Other Woman

9/28/2015

Dating a Married Man...

The picture everyone paints of the "other woman" is always one of a sexy, sultry and vindictive woman who tricks a married man into falling for her. This is the way the movies or society would have it viewed, as a women seducing men to their martial death beds. Some Eve who told Adam to bite from the apple. Yet, most of the time it is women like myself who were happily content in their singledom, when a married man came along and tricked them into believing he was single and ready to mingle.


Nothing good can come out of falling in love with a married man. He will never be faithful or honest.

There I was strolling through my life newly single and not looking to mingle. I was confident, intelligent, independent, and caring. I was a ball of fun, well dressed, and transitioning into my womanhood. For once in my life I would of preferred to stay single and unbothered by the complexity of relationship with anyone other than myself.

Then he came along...he was nothing like what I had dated before. He was of course, tall, dark, and handsome. Yet, he was different in the way he spoke, his heritage, his intelligence, his style, but most of all it was different because he was determined. He attracted me by the chase and I loved being chased. I was attracted to this boss-like nature of his. I have always been attracted to a "man's man" type. The ones who are admired by their peers because they charismatic. He was friendly. He knew when to call, text, or come over < ladies you understand. I never had to tell him what to do...I believe that I fell in love with being in-tuned to someone. We were both busy adults who wanted to be successful and we understood how independent each other were. We wanted the same things and we hardly ever argued. Even when we did argue he always decided he'd do what ever it took to fix it. I loved that about him. He took me out dates so no, we never Netflix and chilled. He invested in me. He was my bestfriend and I told him everything.

We all have a type and he was mine.

The red flags: I should have noticed


  • He told me he wasn't a phone person. I knew he was busy but I never got the reason why he wouldn't call me all the time. He did leave me voice mail once.

  • He would also text me very late at night since he worked the late shift. We also emailed each other more than we would text.

  • We would see each other whenever "his schedule" would permit. He lived in another city and he would travel to see me every other week during the summer. I also did not drive at the time.

  • He always paid for our dates in cash. I noticed this right away.

  • Another thing he would tell me to dress casual, a thing I was not accustom to doing when going out, but I did. I realize now that he didn't want to be seen with someone in public that others might assume it was date and a casual meet with a friend.

  • I did ask him initially if he was in a relationship and he told me he wasn't. Yet, people were telling me they thought he might be in a relationship. I never saw any signs...ie no ring or women's perfume.

  • He never introduced me to his friends or his family.

  • He never asked me to come over to this place. Even though he stated he lived with his family. I assumed it was too early to meet them.

After a while I started to assume he was lying about something when these red flags began to show up. To my surprise, I ran into a photo of his wife and him on the internet.

I was devastated because I dated this man for four months and there she was happily married to him. I was upset with him and when I saw him I told him everything. At that point I did not expect him to tell the truth or fix it. He told me he was married and he was sorry. I knew that we were over and I had a choice to either remain friends, as if friends treat each other that way, or leave him alone for good. Eventually, I decided out of respect for his wife and also for myself that I did not want to continue our relationship.

I felt that I deserved more than what he had to offer.

Mentally, it took me months to get over it and move on. I no longer had the urge to date anyone and I was really happy that I did not engage in intercourse with him. I believe that helped to some degree. Even though, I think of him often, mostly because we shared an intellectual connection and I really felt I could be vulnerable with him. This by no means does this equates to me trying to get back with him. I wanted to write this to share MY experience with being the other women.  I'm not perfect. I was NOT his mistress, I did not date him knowing he was married nor have I tired to undo his marriage.

If you are involved with a married man just know that he is married and every time he's with her you have to be alone. You have no rights to his love, affection, time, life, etc. All you have is the quick moments of your fleeting heart and the time wasted pondering on if he will ever pick up the phone or leave her. I'm telling you it will never happen. What will happen is you will grow bitter and old and the man you THINK you were meant to be with will have moved on to someone who wasn't wasting their time on someone who have already given their love to another woman.
If you are involved with a married man just know that he is married and every time he's with her you have to be alone.
In a love triangle, there can only be one winner, and that person typically is the lair. Don't allow yourself to continue to believe the lies, notice the red flags, and tell your friends or family what's going on because they may be able to help you get out of this situation.

I was upset that this man put my life in jeopardy, his wife could of came out of no where and harmed me, but thankfully it never happened. He did not care about my well being or the image he left on me because (people we knew were talking). I quickly became the other woman and I did not even know it. I picked up my reputation and I rebuilt who I was but I never will get back all the pieces. Now, I am scared by this situation and the love that I thought he felt. Every day I have to remind myself that I worthy of a man who is willing to be honest and faithful. I also have to remind myself that just because a man is interested doesn't mean he's single. For me, this experience was not time wasted because that married man helped me realize what I didn't want.This guy had no regard for my feelings what so ever. He never gave a shit about me. He did not care about anyone but himself and I came to realize this years after the situation ended.

I want to thank all the women who supported me and lent me a voice of reason. It was because of you that I am finding the strength to move on.

To my single ladies, always do a background check or social media, because you don't really ever know someone. Always ask around locally to get the scoop on him. Go to his neighborhood, go to his job/school, etc. Find out who he is when you are not around. Large cities have plenty of room for men to have women in multiple cities so just make sure you're protecting your heart. If you feel that you are not getting to know a man in his world then know that you're not apart of that world for a reason...because he doesn't want you there. Accept it and save yourself the heart ache that I felt.

The lesson I learned was there is no amount of love that will ever outweigh the love I have for myself.
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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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