NetFlix and Chill | Dating Demise of Black Women


Some of us are not cut out to be in relationships and I get it but most of us want to be in relationship. I feel that many black women have decided to just have casual sex and call it a day. We have checked out of the emotional realm of getting what we deserve. I acknowledge those who are just down for the casual house call. Yet, many black women are falling victim to this type of fake date night. Yes, I have had a guy come over and try this shit on me and I did not have sex with him. There's nothing wrong with fooling around but just know that if you start your relationship with sex it will most likely end because of it. You need depth and commitment for anything real to take place. 

  • Never have a guy over who has not taken you out on a date (at least 3 months +) in which he planned for you.
  • Stop accepting excuses about him being broke, if he's broke, then he's not boyfriend or husband material.
  • Stop assuming that he is not willing and able to give you what you need. Make requests not demands. > Meaning, you have enough guys you are dating not to care about losing one.
  • You can pay for Netflix and chill with your family or close friends. Stop giving a way free pussy. Put a price tag on it (emotionally and financially). You're paying for your date. He invest nothing and you gain nothing.

What to say if a guy offers|

"I'm not that type of woman who wants to Nextflix and Chill. I prefer to be taken out like a lady and treated with respect. I think you are very capable of doing that but if you are looking for the latter then I understand and wish you the best with your search."


"I'm glad you suggested Netflix because I wanted to go see a movie this weekend. I think I'll take myself to X,Y,Z." < If he doesn't suggest taking you then stop talking to him.

If he decides to take you, know that he wants sex, like any man who dates you. The key is to make him want to pursue you mentally and not just physically. Tap into another side of him while you're on your "real date."

You have two options, if you're feeling emotionally weak, drive yourself to the movies and meet him there so he can't drop you off. Or, let him be a man and pick you up then drop you off. On your way home say this, "I really enjoyed our time together and I hope we can do this again soon. I have a lot of work I need to catch up on within the next few days so, how about I call when I'm available?" If he still suggest trying to come up for a night cap remind him you have a lot to do and that you'll call him. End the conversation and go into your home.

If this man keeps persisting every time you talk then you need to let him go and keep dating other men.

Emotionally Weak| Social Commentary & Criticism

I think that most black women fall victim because they don't have a male figure in their life to show them what a man is suppose to do when he's interested in pursuing their love. Even women with surrogate fathers still don't have the knowledge of seeing a man love their mothers on a daily basis. If a women sees this type of relationship and she will want to mimic it to some degree in her relationships. A father sets the foundation for his daughter. 

What I have seen in black families who have a male figure is that, most women "mothers" assume the male, is going molest the girl. So the woman will stop the father figure from ever being a lone with the child at any point. No sexual or passionate feelings are shared in front of the child because black families are afraid hyper-sexualization of girls, not boys, but girls. With this being stated women are conditioned to feel that they are bad and should not be around men at all. Words like, "Fast or hot tail" will get thrown in the girls face even if she does not understand. I have even seen black women tell little girls who always get compliments from people about her looks that she is ugly, too skinny or fat, etc. This is a way to keep the female child from having high self esteem.

Yet, as they grow they will start to feel a natural urge for companionship which is ignored.

Young girls will try to make sense of this but puberty is a lot harder for them to endure in the black community. People will point out her feminize growth in certain areas. Of course men notice when a women is maturing so if the mother figure sees this she will automatically assume that males will be attracted. It always assumed that males will take advantage of the young girl. Even if it is their girls biological father it's kind of like an Oedipus Complex but in reverse yet, it only truly exist within the mind of black mothers toward daughters. This emotional weakness is a mother's assumption she is not enough to satisfy her spouse and therefore projects her insecurity onto the child. 

Religiously, black women are immersed in the church to save their virtue and preserve their purity. Young girl's mothers talk about them amongst each other pitting their virtue against the other. Black churches are known for scolding black women for the way they dress and act. They love to use the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child." The church mother will always been there to let the children of the lord know if they are getting out of hand or out of character. But they fail to apply this concept to young boys by providing them with surrogate fathers instead they call them to the pulpit for group prayers and pat them on the back when they see them at the barbershop before bible study. They use the excuse, "Boys will be boys."

Girls find it hard to express their sexuality where boys are allowed to sexually experiment early. Boys tend to have a keen sense of sexuality very early in puberty and they don't feel guilty later in life about their casual encounters. Yes, biologically everyone is tied to the people they have sex with but fortunately we have brains that endure complex situations that chemically are not absolute. We can be trained and conditioned just like any other animal. We are the only animal besides monkeys and dolphins that have sex for fun. Most women are told they can't have multiple sexual partners without feeling guilty because their genetic make up but this is untrue. Women only feel guilt to due to society and culture pressures that surround them about sex and sexuality. Not because our DNA tells us to be monogamous. Basically, sexual activity is a choice. Stop making it less by stating other wise.

I wanted to talk about this because I know a lot of black women who are taunted by this Netflix and Chill epidermic. It has become another paternalistic tool to suppress the sexuality of black women but also to promote the demise of dating within the black community. What you do in your bedroom and with your body is up to you. Yet, if you are looking for deep level of love and satisfaction, many scholars suggest that sex take place after both people have emotionally committed to one another. 

Allowing a person to use your body so you can feel emotional attachment is cutting yourself short. He will sleep with you and talk about how easy or crazy you are. He will never see that he has no respect for his body either by giving it away to women who don't have enough decency to tell a man no and walk away. All he sees is a quick potential high. He has already planned his flight response. He will not be spending the night and he will not be cuddling with you.

Demand more for your time and respect. Don't fall for the Netflix and Chill. You could end up with Chill (rend) and that is way more expensive then spending a night alone with a bowl of ice cream watching Sex & The City re-runs.

Before you go:

What is your response to the offer of NetFlix and Chill? Have you done it before and how did it make you feel after?

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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  1. Hell naw. Netflix and chill is beneath me. Neh-vahhhhh.....

    1. LOL!!! I know it. Some of these women are down with the cause. I've done it few times in my past when I wasn't looking for long term but now, HELL NO. Thanks for stopping by the blog. Sorry for the later response. xoxo - Sonja


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