Casual Sex Therapy | Where to Start

11/07/2016

I get asked the same question over and over again....

How can I start having and enjoying casual sex?

I give the same answer every time,

You'll have better sex when you stop letting other people's opinion crawl into your bed at night. - Androgynine

*NOTE TO MALE READERS* This doesn't reflect my current sexual status nor does it represent all women who are single and mingle. This is a space for people to discuss openly their experiences.

I mean those exact words. When I turned 21 I started to realize how sheltered I was and how narrow minded I was in regards to sex and my overall, bodily needs. I realized that I wasn't taking care of those needs and therefore, I was limiting the gratification I saw so many men getting out of having a fling or two. As a black woman who was juggling a lot of things in my life, a little good sex went a very long way, and I realized that real quick. I'll be honest, all my flings turned into relationships so my faze went quickly as it came.

Starting a new experience is daunting for anyone but for a woman you think about all the things that could go wrong. For a second, think about who is in control of your body and all the things that could go right. We as women have to move away from the Cinderella story. We have move away from the Disney princess dreams because they no longer suit our needs in every situation we're in.

QUESTION: So why should you give casual sex therapy a try?


Every guy you date or meet is NOT husband/boyfriend material and that is OK. It's ok to have a fantasy and live that out with someone who is temporary. Men are not jumping to get married any more and just like women, they are more focused on our careers and being able to acquire some kind of financial stability before marriage.

You're not always ready to be in a relationship. Mentally, still thinking about your ex or financially trying to get your life together after college. Women should really  utilize this single stage in their life to explore who they are what they want. This is time for you grow in your own individual self.

Starting your path to sexual liberation really begins with you:


1. BEING SEXUALLY CONFIDENT

Here's an example, I have a HUGE crush on Cristiano Ronaldo. I know that in my heart, I could get him to sleep with me, no strings attached. We're talking about a man with wealth, power, and a roster full of models. The thing is, I'm not trying to wife him...I'm not going approach him as his future wife. I'm just going to be myself and proposition him after a few casual conversations. I will always be sexy and flirty. My body language will be inviting for him to propose it as well.

TIP: Start having sex with yourself first. Yes, play with yourself because if you don't know what turns you on then, how are you going to tell someone else. Men have been jack off since their teens or earlier. I think women should be able to also be sexually free. You should know how you smell and taste etc. There shouldn't be too many surprises down there for you when it comes to him. The fore play you learn will help you arouse your partner in the future. WATCH PORN. Yes, I said it. Watching porn is a great way to see what men are into and what other women find satisfying. It lets you be sexually open without anyone knowing.

TO WATCH: Shan Boody and Adina Rivers. < Sexually Liberated Women.
TO READ: Fifty Shades of Grey Series


2. LEARN HOW TO FLIRT

TIP: Learn how to flirt really well. Flirting is an artistry not everyone has. Flirting is a skill! Once you pick up the ability to flirt you're in the game.The best example of this is, back in the days women use to drop something on the floor in front of their crush and since men are visual creatures they tend to stare or help the lady pick up her books, keys, paper, etc. Flirting is not just visual it also includes communication. So, what do you do when you text someone you're really into? What do you say when he's standing right in front of you? Those things can make or break your chance of finding a fling.

TO WATCH: Trisha Paytas, Matthew Hussey at Get The Guy or Marty at Dating with Dignity.
ASK: Your closet friends or open minded family members what they did when they were single? Ask your friends how they flirt or what they like when flirting with a stranger.

3. DRESS LIKE YOU OWN IT

TIP: Dress the part. Dress sexy. Men are visual so you need to show a little skin or curves. Make sure to pick out colors or patterns that fit your body type. You know when you're wearing something that makes you fill like you're about to kill ever women out there. Get like Beyonce, bust out that freak 'em dress. Do something unique with your hair. Get your feet and nails done. Do your make up! Pick out a sweet perfume. Sometimes it just takes a new you to attract some new and old faces.

TO WATCH: Style Pantry, Natasha Ndlovu, Shirley B. Eniang, Patricia Bright, EstareLive, (so many more!) or #DearHunter's video (CLICK HERE)

4. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

TIP: Get some practice in. I lived in Vegas for about five years and it was a city full of sin. There was so much lust being thrown around I had to dust it off my shoulders lol. No seriously, maybe traveling to a different state or country could help you become more sexually open. Stella went down to Jamaica only to come back revived. While you're there you can practice what you've learned and guess what? there's no risk of anyone knowing you. Go ahead, book that trip to Cuba, Mexico, Miami, London, Paris, Spain, etc.

If you can't travel, join an online forum about something you love, get a hobby or utilize meetup.com. I would also suggest Facebook groups that are geared toward your travel interest or hobbies. In these groups you can respond to post and also PM someone you might find interesting. Be careful because someone can see you have a FB profile and other things you might not leave private. I suggest using Watsapp or Kik Messanger. It's a safe bet that you can learn how to flirt via the DMs. I heard it goes down there but mine is pretty empty lol.

TO WATCH: Dating Beyond Borders
PS, don't send nudes unless you're ok with sexting. Web chat sex is a whole another post.


5. KNOW YOUR STATUS

TIP: Get tested and knowing your status goes a long way. (I discuss this more openly in my article: SINGLE LADIES AND CASUAL SEX)

Knowing your partners status is really left up to you but remember knowing can ease the mind.


With that being said, we all know some guy or two who casually wants to hook up with us. We're women and men hit on us all the time...its annoying but they do it. Opportunity comes knocking and you have to see it as a choice. You don't have to screw the first guy that comes to the door. You can start collecting the interest of men who seem like probable selections. Get out your black book and start writing in names and numbers. I like to have a roster of men to choose from because I like variety. I would suggest you do the same get guys from all different kinds of backgrounds because you really get to explore avenues you have never been down and it helps you decide what kind of sexual beast you're looking for.

What were you taught about a woman's sexuality? What would help make you sexually liberated? Let me know in the comments below.


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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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