What's Wrong with Us? | Black Women & Dating


This kind of a RANT (FYI):

I was recently having a conversation with my cousin, a beautiful black girl, with all kinds of magic. I mean it. She's the kind of black women, women, aspire to be. She's God filled, family orientated, likes animals, loves wine, fitness junkie, educated, and charismatic. I mean this women has got it.

I adore her as you can tell. I adore all black women because every time I look into their eyes I find a little more of myself in them.

Sometimes we hang out with out girlfriends and find ourselves talking about the same things. MEN or boys if you know what I mean. Either way, I'm always talking about work, God, family, sex, fashion, global politics, I rarely talk about my degree (I save that scholarly talk for my mentor). Either way, men will always make it's way into the conversation. I guess, that's why I started this blog to channel those conversations into a discussion with other women but also with myself.

My cousin stated that she wasn't getting what she wanted out of her current "situationship" and I told her if she thought she'd get everything she wanted out of one person then she was wrong. I had learned this early on in my relationships. Men are not like women. They do not do the same thing as women. Unless you tell a man directly what you want they will not do it. Even then, you risk the possibility that he still wont do it.

I see my cousin over here struggling with a guy who appears not to be interested in making her happy. She appears to be happy in all the other areas of her life, she appears to know even what her issues are within relationships, but I could hear her ask her self, "What's wrong with me, why cant I find a good man?" As black women, I know we have asked ourselves this time and time again, most after a failed relationship.

SIDE NOTE: Why is it that when black women say, "I want to be in a loving relationship with a great guy that fits my standards," the world looks back at her like she's asking for too much? Like that doesn't exists for black women. White women find amazing, good-looking, commitment driven men, with all these other great characteristics...all the time. But, black women are given the shorter end of the stick? I don't get it. Now, we have black women walking around pretending they don't need a man, refusing to get hurt, and then men refusing to commit and wondering why they never reach their full potential as men?

If you want love then you have to be open to receiving it. Don't pretend you don't want it. I've been there and done that and it will get you no where. Tell men what you want and be willing to walk away if they don't want to give it to you.

Let me get back to the topic at hand:

#1 it's not your job to FIND him or carry the relationship. We have to stop taking on responsibilities that are not ours. Men are conditioned in a way to pursue, profess, and protect/provide for a woman. When a women doesn't get these things from a man then, it's her job to keep it moving on. Not to turn into the man and start doing those things. We lose value, perceived value, when we start taking on male characteristics. We must remain in the feminine, assured and confident, that our womanhood will bring out the best in the person we were meant to be with.

There's nothing wrong with black women. 

Yes, we really could learn how men function with regard to relationships. We can learn how to deal with a failed potential relationship. I think black women constantly waste our value on men who don't see our worth. We have to stop emotionally opening our selves up too soon. We're committing emotional suicide. Let a man earn your emotional commitment. Reserve that for someone who is willing to be vulnerable with you and slowly cultivate a deep connect with you mentally not just physically. He will do this by allowing you into his life, day after day.

I also wrote this blog because I didn't want to share in the experience of black women wasting their pretty on a guy. I have so many better things I could be doing with my life then being sad because he didn't pick me. Seriously, I'm a little too old to be crying over a lost cause. I'm old enough to learn the lessons, count the blessings, and stop stressing.

I want to encourage women like my cousin and myself to know that there's nothing wrong with black women and finding love. We just have to learn the lessons and stop making the same mistakes with the wrong people. We have to find confidence in knowing that there are men who seek our love an companionship. 

To my beautiful black sisters,

Let a man emotionally meet you half way before you jump the broom in your head. Give yourself the space to choose if this person is even worthy of your kindness, care, and support. Be open to other ethnicities. If you can't get everything you want, know what you're willing to bend on. Focus on the character of a man more than his looks. Remember what is lacking is not representation of your value.

Stop worrying about if a person is going to pursue you or not. Let that be something they worry about. You should only be concerned with how to make yourself happy and how to better your life. If growth is not the goal then you're waisting your own time.

We have to start dating men who want us, as group, but most importantly as an individual.

Best wishes ladies,

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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