I'm NOT wifey material

8/23/2017


We live in a generation of labels and love. People love to label you and define what you before you even get a chance to define who you are for yourself. Many times I have gotten asked the simple question, WHY ARE YOU SINGLE? I have answered it and sometimes I haven't. I've finally reached a certain point in my life where I can answer this question genuinely.

I'm not WIFEY material | Let me explain.

I have a favorite quote that I refer back to for at least 10 years now. A part of that quote states:

"I prefer women who haven't been rubbed raw by experience. There is a quality about women who choose men sparingly." - Charles Bukowski


I can count the number of relationships, not situationships, I have been in because I choose my men very sparingly. I do this because I was not raised to be someone's play thing, second best, etc. I always knew that, because of who raised me and also because of who I wanted to become, that I was meant to be a wife and not a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not "wifey material," because I have never been anyone's wife. There aint nothing "ify" about me. Yes, I have been engaged but let's be clear that I was a girlfriend engaged to a boyfriend. We were not married before we got married.

For example:

Just like being an adult or "grown" as my parents would say. I might have been 18 but I was not "grown" and I learned that every time I had to call on my parents to fix something I'd messed up. Finally, in my late twenties, I told my aunt, you were right I was NOT grown I was pretending to be something I was not. I told her, "I'm growing" and I hope that one day I will reach a level of adulthood that my parents have but I am not grown.

This same notion goes for being a wife. You can be an amazing team player, giving a person, have wonderful partner qualities but that doesn't make you "wife material." You will never fully know that until you have been through the process and for everyone it's different.

You will know you are wife material, not when he gives you the ring, or when you walk down the aisle at the wedding, or how great the sex is on your honeymoon. NO, you will know what kind of wife you are when shit hits the fan, when someone dies, when your kids aren't doing well in school, when he gets laid off from his job, when either of your parents get old and need to be cared for, when investments go bad, when the sex isn't what it use to be, when he doesn't look as good as he use too, ect. Those are the times when you get to see what you're really made of...what is that "material" part.

Even when you get married you will never fully know someone else. You can do all the dating in the world 10+ years and you still won't know the person that intimately until you are married. The reason is that there are expectations with marriage and they are both spiritually and legally. You are not only merging two people but two families and with that comes cultures of tradition.

God didn't say man go out and find your "wifey" he said to find a "virtuous woman." Proverbs 3:10-311. A woman of moral excellence.

I'm just out here trying to make God proud. I'm not trying to rush the process. I will be a wife once I grow through it. I want to claim that title because I earned it not because someone gave it to me. Wifey - it's like kind of being something, but not really. Almost there but not quite there. I'm more concerned with being a helpmate.


I don't want to ramble on but I'm also not girlfriend material either. For me, this card gets old quick. Being a girlfriend is like being in limbo land. Limbo can quickly lead to bimbo land if things don't go right (Issa Rae - Insecure).  It's not good to be a girlfriend for ever.  Most men in a committed relationship, not situationship, will pop the question within 1-2 years. If he hasn't popped the question its either because you didn't require marriage as a transition or you're just going a long for the ride. For me, dating to marry is a requirement and I'm not afraid to let a man know that, not on the first date either but at least by the third one.

I hope I answered the question of why I'm single because I really want to be a wife to a man who has long term qualities I enjoy and a man who wants to be married. Period.

Before you go:

Would you consider yourself wifey material? Would you consider yourself girlfriend material? If so, why or why not?

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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