RE: If Men Told the Truth | It's Not A Date its Misogynoir


Ladies, we've all been there...we meet a really nice guy and we're hitting it off not thinking anything of it because we're simply not looking for relationship. We hang out with a few times and then, like all people do, we suggest meeting up or going out somewhere. Just like you would suggest to your closest friends, hey let's hit up such and such tonight I'm not doing anything are you? You really enjoy their company so why not?

This is how it goes (watch video below):

This is Misogynoir at it's finest.

This is where the issue comes in, you let him pay for it. Then, he starts suggesting that this is the best "date" he's been on and you're confused because you thought you were just meeting up with a "friend." I tell all my ladies, bring enough money to pay for your own drinks or meal. Never think that he's going to pay or allow him to pay with out clarifying it's not a date.

Word to the wise: There is NO such thing as a guy friend because these days men think that their money and sweet compliments are an investment or down payment for into getting into your vagina.
Some "nice guys" believe that you can be bought through their money and presentation of Mr. Representative. That's basically what is being implied in this video.

You realize what I've been saying all along...there is no such thing as NICE GUYS. If a guy approaches you it's because he wants something from you and 9 times out of 10 he wants to get into your pants.What this misogynist guy realizes is, he wont be getting laid by you anytime soon then he acts out. That's why you have to give everyone a three month trail period but especially dudes. Men make it our responsibility to keep them from over-sexualizing us as women. When in fact a real man makes it his responsibility to control his testosterone so he can value to the chase, the catch, and the keep.

He should of made it clear to her that he was interested in her romantically but he didn't probably because he was scared and realize early on she may not be interested. She said in the video that she told him that she just got out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious. She asked if that was ok, at that moment he could of taken the time to explain what he wanted, but no, he says its cool and then proceeds to degrade her in front of someone ie the "white" waiter.

He lied to himself, lied to her, then says, "we're just two friends enjoying a drink right, she agrees, and he says cool." At that moment he could of said, "So you don't mind if we split the bill?" I'm sure she would of said, "Of course, I don't mind." Now, if she got boogie or stuck up then he could of just have stated, "I'm sorry I just don't feel comfortable paying for this because X,Y,Z."

One, he didn't respect that she just wanted to hang out without expectation. No, he asked her out anyway knowing she wasn't looking to date anyone therefore, he got friend-zoned.

Don't get me wrong, some guys handle rejection well, and there's no quarrels. But the ones like this comedic in this skit only makes themselves look bad and you will see him for his "true colors." I would suggest that you distance yourself very quickly! This guy chastises her and steals her confidence by becoming narcissistic all at once.What ever hope he had of dating her in the future is over.

All the men sympathizing with the his skit are the exact guys you don't want to date.

Let's talk about how he degrades her in front of the "white" waiter male audience.

This is the PRIME example of Misogynoir: He abuses her and sexualizes her all at once in front of white audience. We see this a lot in rap culture but fail to realized that now a days we see it a lot in memes. Black men use black women to abuse, mentally and sexually, but also our images to stream line microagression  filled messages into society which were created by the gaze of a euroccentric "white" society.

The fact that the world is filtered through this "euroccentric gaze" creates real life issues for black women and this is what I try to address as a womanist. Black men should be encouraged to stop looking through the lenses of the white man's eye and start seeing the world for what it really is not that what the eurrocentic ideal presents to them. The guys wears a fake dashiki and I think that represents the truth, he's fake, and  he does not full know how kings handle rejection.

There are already so many issues within the black community that it's hard for me, a woman with tons of male friends, to believe guys can't just enjoy the company of another human being regardless of whats between their legs. This is a huge turn off and only pushes black women back into their sister circles to discuss the issue of feeling safe and vulnerable around black men. I believe young black women and men need to fellowship together outside of the church or school situations. We have to come together as a people and put aside our differences. It starts with being kind to one another and not misusing each other when we're vulnerable.

I hope I have explained a little bit more about "nice guys" I hope to write a full blog about this in the near future.


Stay positive.

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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