Dating a Man with Kids | The 411


As a single woman who doesn't have kids, I noticed a lot of women who have restraints about dating a man with a kid or kids. I know some black women with kids who prefer to date a man without kids. That is really strange to me because they have kids so they understand the dynamic of parenting better. When you date a man with children you will never be the main priority and think that's why a lot of women, especially black childless women, stay away from dating a man with kids. I'm not talking about a boy who has kids he's never met. PSA, kids are not baggage if you consider them that way then, don't date a man with kids.

I recently found this subject to be worth wild when Keke Palmer decided to make a video announcing that gage was up and she has been writing back and forth with her new boo's baby mother. TSR posted receipts that the new boo had three kids, twins and another little girl. TRS also stated that he was related to Trevor Noah, the actor from Grownish the TV show, and met Keke at a party less than one month ago where the baby mother was in attendance. But wait, it gets worse, Keke moved this young man into her home and he's basically been face timing his kids for the past month.

To me, Keke Palmer was disrespectful and childish. She is not the kind of woman a man with children should be dating. She is proven herself to be a complex woman, searching for herself, in the affection of the opposite sex. I wish more women would focus on their career, spiritually growing as an individual, but she protrudes insecurities by the men or women (she is bi) that she selects to be intimate with. Don't get me wrong, she's a young woman in Hollywood, that appears to be having fun. But, sweetie you don't do that with a guy who has three kids. Out of all the good looking single black men out there she finds herself in a situationsip. THE GAG IS THIS IS AINT NOTHING MORE THAN SITUATIONSHIIP READY TO SINK. The last laugh is coming to a theatre near you.

Here's some solid advice from a woman who's been there and done that:

Don't assume he wants you in their life...ask him how much or how little he wants you involved with his kid(s). Decide what best fits your lifestyle and personality. Always meet the mom first if possible.

1. Don't consider dating a man that is FRESH out of a relationship

I would never date a man that is fresh out of a relationship with the mother of his kids. Men who have kids by a woman will always feel or show love to the mother of their kids because of their kids. Serving those soul ties takes a lot of time and a mutual agreement from both of them that the relationship is over. Give it 1 year for me to dip my toe in the waters.

2. Be concerned if his kid is under 3 years old and he has multiple baby mothers

It's hard for me to date man with a child that's less than three years old. A new baby means the relationship with the mother might not be over or they still need some time to figure out their co-parenting situation. If you're concerned please ask if he's dating you exclusively or not.

3. Get your self a Man (who Fathers his kids) and not a boy who disregards them

Co-parenting needs to be established long before you step into the picture. Trust me, you do not want drama from him learning co-parenting to spill over into your future relationship. You need to know that he is doing everything he can to make sure his kid(s) are taken care of and that his child's mother knows he no longer has any interest in her sexually or romantically.

4. No, you will not be at the center of the that man's life, integration takes time

But if he really cares about you he will not allow you feel left out or insecure about your relationship.

He's a real man he will find a way to balance it all especially if you're understanding that he's a parent first and emergencies happen. It's your responsibility to discuss with him what your schedule looks like, what time he has set aside for his children/family, and how you two can compromise to make time for one another. Now, you should have friends and family as well so it's not like you're waiting to spend all your time with him. If both want the relationship to work then you will learn how to get in time here there for a quick lunch, a run on the trail, later night movie, a weekender out of town.

5. The relationship with a child has to be earned! 

Learning about their likes and dislikes is apart of dating a man with children. They might not like you at first because they don't want to upset their mother. They are kids and no matter what age sometimes they just don't like change. Know when to fall back and when to lean in. Trust me kids have a funny way of surprising thing you know they trust you and love you to pieces.

Its ok to suggest a group activity so you all can get familiar with one another.

5.  Never put your hands on another person's kids. EVER. 

If the child is left with you and they act out then acknowledge the wrongdoing, report it to the father, and allow the parents to decide if a punishment should be given. If you are watching the child there is no problem parenting the child, call a timeout, having a discussion about why certain actions are not good, etc.

But never touch another person's child without both parent's consent or the child's consent.

6. Don't pressure him to meet his kids

Respectfully, after he's made it official with you, claiming you as his girlfriend and you have met close friends and family the introduction should come soon after. After 6 months and you haven't met the kids then maybe you need to access how serious he is about you and the relationship.

Now, if you're considering marriage: I would suggest meeting the kid's mother because you will want to establish some kind of respectful relationship if possible. You do this because you will be around her kids and mutual respect needs to be given if you're grown, you should act like.

When meeting the mother of his kids I suggest you do with your partner, in case the mother is not friendly, be nice and hear her out. She may have rules about being around her kids, your partner and she should have discussed that previously, and he should have told you. Still, it's good to hear it directly from the mother's mouth how she feels, what she thinks about you, and the relationship you might have going forward.

I know many of my friends who have good relationships with their step kids mother, they send mother's day cards and Christmas presents to them every year while swapping recipes. To each their own.

7. Don't trash talk the mother of his kids EVER!

Do not speak ill of the kid's mother, I don't care what she's done or said about you, just don't do it. Trust me it will get back to her in some kind of way. If your partner comes to you asking or advice or just wants to rant let him. The best advice is when you encourage your partner to put the kids first and do what's in their best interest. Find ways you can be apart of the solution instead of talking about the problem.

8. Make sure your man has boundaries

Sometimes their family members will constantly mention the mother of the kids to erk you. They will talk about how she's x,y,z or invite her to all the family functions because you will be there as well. Be a lady and handle your self accordingly. If you feel something is wrong to tell your man, try to resolve it out of site, and if it can't be resolved then go home early with a smile and a plate.

9. You will have to create your own "first" with him

Think of unique things you can both do together that neither of you experienced before so you don't get caught up in not having his first child or being his first marriage etc. This helps you become more experienced in creating your own happiness and depending on societies version of events. Your guy will really appreciate it and hopefully, he'll join in on coming up with his own "first."

10. Always reassess your needs in the relationship and communicate

You will have wants and needs. Be sure to assess and address them accordingly. Check to see if those wants and needs fit with your partner. Understand what you're willing to be flexible about and what you're not.

We're only afraid of things we don't know how to navigate. I hope you found these tips helpful. If you have any more questions please drop me a comment below. I love sharing my story but also hearing yours.

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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