How to Cut People Off the Godly Way

8/30/2018


This really has been a long time coming...As a GIVER who attract a lot of TAKERS I have had the responsibility of always setting boundaries for the people in my life. It's hard to say 'no' at first but once you start realizing that everyone doesn't care for you the way you care for them it gets a lot easier. As black women we give ourselves 100 percent to everyone and everything around us but most often we are left feeling depleted. It's never anyone's responsibility to fill us back up but us. We don't get the love and care we need from the environment in which we help cultivate and if we do we damn near have to beg for it. That also gets really exhausting. So, the question is how do you cut people off in a culture where everyone is ok with ghosting people? How do you do in a Godly what that leaves you feeling empowered and wishing the best for everyone?
As a woman of God I refuse to just cut people off. This is what has worked for me:

1) Let God to do His job
I mean go to Him in prayer and say this, "Lord please, remove anyone out of my life who serves no purpose, or doesn't fulfill my life with love & happiness." That's all you have to say and if you have to wake up everyday and say that then do it. Watch people fall out of your life. But I will say, be ready because you'll be surprise who leaves and who actually sticks around. You can't force anyone to do what you want or how you want it and you shouldn't want too. People should want to be good to you and willing to accept the good you have offer. Not everyone is meant to love and care for us. You always have the option to pray.

2) Be Accountable
Before you start cutting people out of your life please make sure you're not the problem or attributing to the issue. Sometimes we are so egar to see the issue in others and not without ourselves. Sometimes we're in a rut and the Devil is on our back and we're giving in to the struggle. It's ok to take a step back so you can step up! Either find the solution or become the solution. Get this, if you get rid of the person but you keep having the same issue guess what? you're apart of the problem and you never took accountability so you could resolve it. You don't want to take the issues with you.

3) Grow
There's nothing like growth and grit. The grit is the hard part because it takes work. You have to do the work to get the results. I hope you can see that cutting people off is more abut you then it is about them. Your grow will allow you to set boundaries for yourself and others. Most of the time we haven't set boundaries for ourselves and what we will allow. Seek God's wisdom and grace so that, you can outgrow things when the time comes - when you were a child you acted like a child but when you become a woman you put away childish things. The grit of having to put away the negative people or things will hurt but there's grace on the other side of pain. We have to lose people sometimes to gain who God intended us to be. Don't be afraid to make mistakes because it all works together for the great good of God.




QUESTION: When do you cut someone off?

ANSWER: Never let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you and never let someone get comfortable with disappointing you.If someone has does this to you more than the boundaries you have set for yourself then cut them off.

The hard one to notice is when someone is disappointing you...that's when they're ok with seeing you hurt, sad, forgotten, wore out, needy etc.

A prime example of this is my father, love him to death, but the man is perfectly ok with seeing me disappointed and he's ok with being apart of that disappointment. He doesn't see that broken promises and expectations for things he would never give as disrespectful and disappointing. He comes and goes when he pleases in my life because I did not set a boundary and when I finally did he wasn't ok with that. I said to him, to say in my life you must do x,y,z and he fell short every time. After chance after chance you have to say ok I've had enough I think it's time for me to heal and move on. Sometimes I realize that you have to love a person from a distance because the pain they cause isn't worth your peace.

I'm fed up with family making me feel bad for the decision I have made but I hope they come to understand that the relationship hasn't been mutually beneficial and I've outgrown a lot of things. I'm not saying we could speak again but as for this movement in my life I think it's best we don't.

Another example, I have a friend or two who has been passively disrespectful and it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. This person has been aggressive in getting their needs met but failed to hear me out when I asked for space or just simply did not want to coddle their wants or needs. I have been there for this person a lot but could count on my hand how many times they have showed up for me or respected my boundaries. I use to fire back and people and pop off but now I try to learn why people feel so comfortable with disrespecting me. At the same time I can't keep telling a person to stop doing the same thing I just asked them not to do. We've out grown each other and that's ok it's just time for us to move on.

I shouldn't have to explain myself to people in this next phase in my life because I'm moving to fast to slow down for them to catch up. 

I'll leave you all with this: from my Pastor because I think it truly explains this next season in my life.

Anyone can admire a diamond, but few recognize the quality and care required to keep it beautiful. - Sarah Jakes Roberts

Dear women of God, It's going to hurt but trust that God has plans for you and He will give you what you need. Don't stop being who God called you to be. Take some time for yourself and figure out what you want in your life then trust yourself and God to figure out over time. You will make mistakes but they will not be in vain. When everyone forsakes remember that the Lord will take you into His arms and comfort you.

Until next time, xoxo

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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