I'm Homeless Again | Why Did I Not Learn?

10/15/2018


Ok, this is extremely getting old almost as old as I am. I bet you're wondering, what the fuck happened Sonja?
 Well, I'm pissed sitting in this motel room.

I just paid 500+ for a week and a few days. I'm looking at my credit card worried about my credit score or how I'm going to make these payments with no real income. Yes, I have a part-time job doing sales but I only get called in once every two-three weeks. I'm thankful for the fact I have a job title but it means nothing to my bank account. I have gone to work once over the two months I've been employed and my bills are coming in and my savings is going out.

What happened? I thought you learned from the first two times you were homeless [Click Here]. I didn't. Plain and simple. I made the same mistakes I made before only in different ways.

Let me say the last two times I was displaced and not homeless because I wasn't living on the street. By the time you read this post I will have been homeless and lived on the street. God willing, CLAIMING IT NOW, I will recover my full independence. AMEN. 

WARNING*** VERY LONG POST*** I will not have internet except within a library so I'm writing it all out now.

I got thrown out onto the street. None of my family will help me...I grew up as foster kids so in actuality I don't have an established family outside of the people who raised me. I was fully dependent on my parents having been in and out of college and unable to get a job in my career field of politics. Both of my "former" parents are ill, one had dementia and is dependent upon my other parent and maternal family member. My maternal family member/parent kicked me out when I refused to be her emotional punching bag after years of emotional and verbal abuse. She suffers from a personality disorder and will never receive the help she needs to allow others to have their own boundaries and freedoms. She loves control and without it becomes a hideous person with no empathy for others or no sense of how her own actions have consequences. I will talk more about her illness in another post and how it has affected me over the years.



1) Save! save! save!
ISSUE: Tried to save as much as I could living pay check to pay check and my rent steadily increasing. I also had my EBT cut off because they said I made too much money. Plus I had to pay them back for 3 months of EBT. Savings was gone.

2) Learn how to drive < Did that!
ISSUE: I couldn't save enough to get a used car because my rent was so damn high. I guess that's the cost of living in California.

3) Who my real friends were and what my family thought of me.
ISSUE: I thought I had friends but honestly I didn't. As people get older they care more about relationships than friendships. I had 4 of my friends step up and actually monetarily assist me during this time. One of them I no longer speak too. I do have a few people I can talk too but nothing more.  I don't have a family and I don't know what that means.

4) God above all else, even self.
ISSUE: Prayer without works is dead. You have to put in the work. I'm not saying I haven't done that but I didn't know I needed so much help. Therapy is the key getting out.

5) Never stop being thankful
ISSUE: I forgot what privilege it was to just have my own place and be able to live. I was thankful and I let God know but I never expected my apartment to sell or that it wasn't rent controlled.

6) Degrees don't save people but major in STEM.
ISSUE: Got another degree and it cost me an arm and leg. Those loan fees are no joke! I was trying to pay them on top of the rent, food, utilities, medical, and caring for my cat. If you're going to major in the Arts be aware that jobs aren't plentiful unless you can tell people what you want to do.

7) Learn to say "No"
NO issue with this because I did it very well this time. I finally had enough of being emotionally and verbally abused by one of my parents. I finally stood up for myself and said enough was enough. She kicked me out and that's how I ended up homeless for the third time.


NOW:

1) Save! save! and save even more!
TO DO: get a budget for saving even if it's a dollar a day. Stop eating out and hanging out with friends if you can't afford it.

2) Let nothing get in between you and your relationship with God
TO DO: Sometimes your anger will get in between your relationship goals. Take a step back and clear your mind. Sometimes you need a break from trying so hard to please others. God isn't going anywhere but you need to know how to talk to Him. Find new ways to pray but also have faith that He has not forsaken you. REST. REVIVE. RESTORE.

3) Family is everything even if don't have one...build a one. I'm very thankful for the people who have helped me thus far be it financially or emotionally.
TO DO: I need to expand my network. I need to pray that God sends amazing people in my life who will be there for a very long time. I need to find a church home I can call family.

4) Focus on what's in front of you and not behind you.
TO DO: Remember you are a survivor of the things of your past, not a victim.

5) Love yourself now more than ever. It's ok to spend a few bucks on your favorite ice cream or hair products. You have to keep something constant and positive in your life.
TO DO: Eat as much ice cream as you want but know you can get fat. Slow down, you only have one body don't go wasting it all on ice cream. Work out! Eat Well! Be healthy.

6) Let go of anything that was hurting you. Let it go. Bad habits need to die hard.
TO DO: Let go of past hurts and people who no longer belong in my future. Sometimes you have to let people go because they keep you from moving forward. Sometimes those people are your family and the toxicity can pass from generation to generation.

7) Stop ignoring your own needs
TO DO: Love yourself as often as possible without it involving outside things. You know what you need so go get it. Being single is great, but you know you want a Godly, loving, partner, marriage, and kids. You can't be celibate forever. Heal and try again.

8) Stop procrastinating
TO DO: Hit the gym, go try something new, travel because your passport is collecting dust.

9) Smile when you can
TO DO: Watch romantic comedies, look at memes, and watch cartoons or anime (you love anime). Read comic books because you're nerd and you don't care what people think.

10) Tell the people you love that you love them but most important that you need them.
TO DO: let someone know you need help. Even if they say no at least you had the courage to ask.



I moved to a new city and I currently have new job that's part time. I'm still homeless and praying for a place to stay. I know you're wondering how the heck I show up to work everyday? I'll tell you that story at another time in another blog post.

I ask myself AGAIN for the first time in a long time, "What do you want? What are you willing to let go of to get it?"

I have a long way to go. I can't keep making the same mistakes. This is another beginning.

Continue to take this journey with me by following the hashtag #androgyninelife


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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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