Black Girl Magic | Dedicated to my Mother #csudhgrad16

by - Monday, May 23, 2016

Before I went to graduate school people would have thought I had the perfect life of a twenty-something. I moved closer to home to be with my family. I was working a wonderful job with the state but I wanted to do more and had my hopes set on working for the UN. I decided to go get my Master of Arts in Los Angeles.

Once I became engaged I was really happy and felt like I couldn't go anywhere but up. But I soon came into the season of loss. I broke off my engagement, found my self to be sick in an apartment filled with mold, my mother had suffered a heart attack, and I was barely surviving on EBT, public transit, and minimum wage while working as student assistant and intern...all while attending night classes. It was extremely hard. I saw many young men with mentors and I couldn't find one with the time to help me get through being the only black female in my Master courses for 2 years. I was really lost because I was a small town girl in a large county with a bunch of cities. With people who didn't really care for each other.

All I could think about the whole 4 years I was in graduate school was, I was not suppose to be here, because I was a 2 pounds and 10-ounce preemie who had survived a life change operation that saved my life.

I was also a foster child at the age of 4 who was raised by my maternal aunt and my uncle when my mother decided she could not care for five children. I always felt like I wasn't supposed to be here so I never took anything God gave me for granted.

It was this type of resiliency that led to me this point. At the very last stretch of my graduate career, while I was finishing up my comp exams, my mother's health kept declining. I would have gone home for Christmas break but I found out that I did not pass two of my comp exams and I was left to clean up the mess from my new department chair. I decided not to go home to be with my mother, who begged me to get on a bus and just come for Christmas, instead, I explained to her that I had to stay and fix my enrollment so I could re-take my exams next semester. She and I decided I would move in and help take care of her while I was finishing my last two exams. We would catch up on all the time we'd lose but...

Around the end of the semester, my mother was admitted to the hospital. She never came out. I traveled 3 hours on 3 occasions by train to see her before they declared her brain dead and we pulled the plug a few days before my 28th birthday.

I found myself homeless, motherless, jobless then moving in with my older sister while sleeping on the couch in the living room. Finally, I applied for a job, got the job, and moved back to the city of my university to finish my comp exams.

This is degree was bittersweet for me. This moment of walking across the stage was the hardest thing I ever did. My family was not there, they had come the year before thinking I would pass my exams, so this time around it was just my mom's spirit and I.

Graduate school is not for everyone. I dedicated my life to it. I lost a life in the process of getting it. Never think that you'll have tomorrow to spend time with the ones you love. Do it now. Don't let a little piece of paper to determine your happiness.

I walked across the stage in 2015 so that my mother could see me walk. I walked in 2016 so I could show her that God didn't make any mistakes...I was here and I was never going to give up.

This is dedicated to all black girls and women who struggle and feel alone. WE DID IT.

#blackgirlmagic #becauseofthem #androgyninelife

No longer a student...officially a scholar.

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This blog is NOT geared toward sexual orientation or gender classification. This blog is based solely on the blog authors experience and research. This blog is geared toward promoting a mixture of masculine and feminine attire and with an integrated genderless lifestyle.

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